remember: nobody's perfect

As hard as we may try to be good role models, we are gonna trip and fall on our faces at times. Things will get overwhelming. Situations will get beyond our control. And as a result, we will overcompensate - in a good or bad way - to try to fix whatever problem arises, oftentimes making matters worse.

I got overwhelmed. I stepped - albeit willingly - into a situation where a woman has 7 children. Less than a year ago, my life was that of a 4-night-a-week barhopper and party-goer. I made great money and had myself to spend it on. I played video games 'til the wee hours of the morning. I had no one to worry about but myself. I wasn't a bad person, but I definitely wasn't a saint either.

When things got serious with A, I thought the "ex-husband and kids thing" would be easier than most people were telling me, but of course I have been known to think I can handle any situation that presents itself. It's not smugness. It's neither pride, nor arrogance. It's the need inside me to overcome the obstacles and not let them hold me down, or hold me back. It's about being able to control my life, not be controlled by it...

But whatever the case, life got a hold of me and has since controlled me. This morning I was tired. Probably because of too much sleep last night as I was trying to recoup lost energy from a week's worth of the sun and Father Time using me as their personal punching bag in a twisted no-holds-barred wrestling match. Bottom line: I didn't go to church with A and the kiddos. I honestly didn't feel well, but that excuse will never fly in this house. I was told I "wasn't being a good role model." I tripped and fell on my face. I contemplated ending this blog. Was she right? Was I a fraud? But, then I got to thinking...

I am a role model "in training" and I am certainly whatever the opposite of perfect is, but I try my hardest whenever I can. And to the other role models out there who try, fall down, and then get back up to try again...that is what this blog is all about. It's for you. It's for those who stepped up to the plate mid-game and are giving it their all. And it's not horrible, nor out of the ordinary to glance back over your shoulder and see your old life that you left behind. Your decision comes down to one thing: Do you either tighten your grip on that Louisville Slugger and turn back to the pitcher ready to knock one out of the park, or just head back to the bench?

I am certainly bummed I missed church. I do think it's important to attend and show the little ones that going to church can still be "cool." And this blog is not about - and will never be about - religion. I think pushing religion on anyone is the fastest way to get them to avoid it entirely. Your beliefs are on you. These daily scribbles I punch into the keyboard are for those men and women who need to see that they are not alone as newfound role models. We experience the same things. We fall down. We get back up. We try. We have picked up the slack. What more can anyone ask of us?